I Cried Today...

I spoke with my MOM today - she's almost 80 years old and lives on her own with my disabled sister in Jamaica. Its been such a struggle watching her cope since my Dad died - he used to take care of everything, and if I were honest, I would tell you that we all thought she would crumble without him...



But out from behind came this woman with the strength of faith and courage as tough and sharp as steel - and she has handled with spirit, faith and strength her commitment that as long as she breathes, she will never have any one of her children in a home - as our Mother, she will be here for any of us - and so she's gone on, taking care of my sister...



As time goes on, though, you can see she's getting older and the ability to cope on her own is, frankly, no more!!!



When I talked to her today, we talked about that, and about her struggle to maintain her independence and fight against any perceived challenge to her independence by any of her other children trying to step in and help, take care of HER, take care of them both...



She told me today she is confused about the household expenses and the money in the bank; she's confused about the nurses we've forced upon her for the nights; she's concerned about getting so shaky - she knows her ability to cope is diminishing and, quite frankly, she's scared!



She told me she was angry at the Lord for ignoring her prayers and I responded that maybe she was simply ignoring HIS answers...



You see, she won't agree to come and live with any of us - she won't give in to being totally dependent on her children.



I wish I had thought to go to Scripture THEN, instead of NOW, after we spoke... I wish I'd thought to remind her of Psalm 103: 15 -17

"As for man, his days are like grass,

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

the wind blows over it and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting

the Lord's love is with those who fear Him,

and His righteousness with their children's children"

I wish I'd thought of Proverbs 31: 25-31

"She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

You see, I wish I knew how to communicate to my Mom that its okay to be dependent on her children - for almost most of our lives we've been dependent on her - its okay!!!! Its her turn....

If it weren't for my Mom, we - none of us, my Dad included, may not ever have known GOD!!!! She's been a good and faithful servant - she has her flaws, but God knows she has been a good and faithful servant - and its okay to Let Go and Let God!!!!

If any of you have parents dealing with aging, I hope this helps you in some way...